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Ever found yourself lost in the labyrinth of divorce recovery? There's no denying that the path can be rough and at times, utterly confusing. That's why we've created this episode - to serve as your personal guide through this challenging journey. Drawing from our own experiences and those of our previous guests, we'll provide you with invaluable insights, emotional support, and some much-needed levity to help lighten the complex terrain.
Today, we're going to break down our top 10 reasons why tuning into our podcast could make a world of difference in your post-divorce journey. We'll share our personal stories that we hope will resonate with you, creating a sense of camaraderie and reassurance that you are not traversing this path alone. We'll tackle everything from self-care to seeking legal help, dealing with a whirlwind of emotions to finding growth opportunities amidst adversity. And of course, we're sure to share a good laugh or two because trust us, humor can be a powerful healing tool.
Talking points:
But it's not just about the recovery phase. We're also gearing up to discuss the life that awaits after divorce - a life filled with rediscovery and growth. We'll touch on the importance of clear communication, constructing a supportive community, and maintaining respect in all dealings. But, we're not going to skirt around the not-so-pretty realities of divorce. We'll talk about them, too, including the contentious issue of using children as pawns. But here's the kicker - through it all, we'll remind you that, with time, patience, and a little humor, you can sail through this new chapter in your life with grace. Whether you're in the thick of a divorce, a recent divorcee, or know someone who is, we hope this episode offers insights and advice that can ease the journey.
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Hi, welcome everybody out there to episode 136, divorce devil, episode 36. Today we're talking about what?
Speaker 2:Why you should listen to divorce recovery podcast.
Speaker 1:Top 10 reasons why you have to listen to us. Why should be saved in your saved things?
Speaker 2:Yeah, subscribe to us, subscribe and give us a great review.
Speaker 1:I hit my leg.
Speaker 2:Can we just talk about? I'm being a klutz, I hit my knee.
Speaker 1:Middle kid syndrome. So today we're talking about top 10 reasons you should listen to us.
Speaker 2:Number one, because we're because we have expert insight. We never claim to be an expert in anything. We are professionals in our own careers.
Speaker 1:Like dentistry and nursing. Yeah, you know you got toothache, you got a boo boo. We can help you out.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But in terms of divorce, we can help you by our experiences and the guests that we have on are, in some some of them are professionals, yes, lawyers yeah. We've had an array of people who have done their research. And just because you don't have a little certificate doesn't mean you're not an expert in a certain field. But you know writing books, you have to. You know, have your sources and all sort of stuff and take the time to. You know validate what you're saying. I think a lot of times to just going through something. You become an expert in your own self because you learn, like what you will and will accept. And again, I know many times I'm just going to hang out with someone and we have these deep conversations or you know like, hey, I went through this. It may not be the same, but watch out for this. Or this is what you need to do next. Or this is what happened to me and I don't want it to happen to you again, to you as it happened to me. So it gives you a little.
Speaker 1:So sometimes you're not an expert, but sometimes you're expert compared to other people, since they have no knowledge. You have some knowledge, so you're kind of like sliding scale expert.
Speaker 2:Well, we say to we have both been through divorce in different scenarios and the way you heal or the way you deal with something may be different than I am and personalities are different. Or you know again, let them kind of. We can only share our experience of hoping and helping someone else. There might be a whole other story that we tell, or one of our guests tells and be like oh, that's more like mine than David or Rachel's, or this is what happened to me. Or, you know, you may search one of our guests and they have some kind of you know story, or even in their books. So again, expert.
Speaker 1:With 136 episodes 35 episodes you ought to be able to find something.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, in this, if nothing else, we are funny oh yeah, oh phase baby.
Speaker 1:Oh phase, we are comedians in our all right we are not Lisa Lane, but we are almost as funny. I don't know about that.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we have some funny moments.
Speaker 1:Number two so we sort of provide emotional support. You've heard Rachel cry on the podcast before and I've been in support by just looking at her, like what you doing.
Speaker 2:David, you get emotional too Cause you get choked up and you choke on your water.
Speaker 1:I never got choked up. That's different.
Speaker 2:That's a small when I have to keep talking that's him going off and crying yeah.
Speaker 1:Smallest suffocates. It's a little elephant.
Speaker 2:Just be thankful you're not a girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So this podcast serves as a source of offering relatable stories. Empathy because we're big in empathy because we've been there yeah. And validation to help other people feel understood and less alone.
Speaker 2:And to like moral support for anything like no matter if you're having a bad minute at work. If you're, you know someone calls and gives you bad news. If someone does that at any time, you're going to reach to something that feels comfortable a friend, the podcast, you know, a family member, somebody in reach that can help you not feel so terrible. And I think a lot of times when we have a, when a topic comes up for us or we have a topic that comes off the top of our head, it's because of something that's happened that week or recently or you know that we need to vent and that a lot of times, is why I believe we are really emotional support, because we're we're living it worse. Even though I'm almost divorced three years on Sunday and David longer things come up and shit comes up. And with each age, each year that you get older or your kids get older, or the further out you get from it, different things come up and you sometimes you don't know. Don't know how you're going to feel when you hear something or go through something because it's been so far out of your divorce or if it's so raw in your divorce, so, or if you haven't even gotten divorced. Yet you don't know all the emotions. Like I said, there were times in five minutes. I went through every emotion that I've ever known in my entire life and go kind of like the weather in carol springs apps so freaking literally I mean hail rain, snow like Noah's Ark. They just like flood now, like women, was just a river.
Speaker 1:So number three, practical guidance. We are practical. Yeah, we're not half a lute. Yeah because we're broke. We're not highfalutin, we are practical.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And, and we offer results, not results, we offer remedy that are simple sometimes. Yeah, you know, along with you, accept that it's going to hurt. You know, we talk about leaning into the pain.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:What's another one that?
Speaker 2:dealing with your shit like sometimes when you're in the middle of fighting with your partner in a divorce, you got to own it. Like I said, when I was at the end of my marriage, I would pick fights to see what response I would get, and then it either made me feel better that I got the exact response that I expected, or it made me feel bad that we've gotten this far and where it was. Where's the love that we had once?
Speaker 1:before people play.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I didn't realize that I was an instigator at the end, going just fight with me. So then I know that you actually care a little and you know a lot of times it was. You know, when we fight, the only one that's seeing is our son, you know, because our older ones for out of town.
Speaker 1:And what's interesting about that is men don't think that far down the pipe yeah. He didn't think say, well, I'm going to fight with her to show her that I care. Yeah, we don't think like that.
Speaker 2:No, no, you're one dimensional, yeah, two dimensional, I don't even know Whatever From a different dimension, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:One dimensional.
Speaker 2:But like I think we also give you know out of the box things too, because we try to bring humor into a lot of things that we because why would you listen to a podcast if it's not funny sometimes? I mean there are times you're listening to like I don't know NPR and you want to know what's going on and it's monotone, or if you're listening to but isn't a divorce enough seriousness to last a lifetime? Yeah, like you just if you don't laugh at yourself or instances of it, you're just going to be in that depressed a lot of time and you're not going to actually heal and you're not going to, you're not going to find the funny and 27 dollars in the bank. But I also think, too we are. We have strong opinions, but I think we try to look at the neutral end of it. Like you know, you said I was angry, I was mad and I was just like I can't believe you're not fighting for me. But I didn't get mad, I cried, I literally cried at the weather change. So I just be crying all day here in Colorado, you know. So if someone asked me how I was, I'd be like oh great, it's fine, everything's fine. So I think we give you the raw end, like again, no filter.
Speaker 1:Like we've got no filters. Yeah, we're not going to pull punches.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, if you're, you know, you know, we say, if you can save your marriage save it yeah. But if you can't, then you need to pull that trigger and move on, because the quicker you heal, the quicker you're going to feel better.
Speaker 2:And the more practical matters is like, okay, take it every one minute at a time, like if you're just signed your divorce papers today, okay, I want to get in the car, have your moment, drive home safe, go make yourself on the eat, make sure you're taking care of yourself, like that is just Tiny part of it. And so a lot of times, when you're in the midst of this chaos, you're so sad, you're so mad, you're so angry. You don't know what the hell's going on next. You have to take baby steps and I think a lot of times people are like I just wanted to be over. And then, when it's close to being over, like I don't know if I'm ready for this or what's gonna happen next. So the practical steps of just take your time, be good to yourself, you know. And again, legal matters. We are not experts in illegal matters no, no, legal.
Speaker 1:This is not a legal podcast get yourself legal professional help.
Speaker 2:Do you have? We had stories about legal stuff, sure, but we speaking of stories number four inspiring success stories.
Speaker 1:We got some funny ass stories, man. What are, what are some of our store funny stories?
Speaker 2:Hey, there's so many oh god dating. The library is always my favorite. You know me, you know I love me. A good good read. You know, that's why I'm so experienced now I think too, like a lot of times when dealing with family or x family or in-law family, like you know, a Brother-in-law that doesn't talk to you, or another brother-in-law that does, cuz he doesn't like his actual brother, or something like that so then you're still caught in the whole mix. And especially if you have kids, you know, like my ex-mother-in-law that is still my children's Grandmother, does she affect me? Yes, if she affects my children. So again, there's a lot of stories that we have that Come, I think a lot of ours come to think like from work, delay experiences, so that so how you get through a divorce, you're living your life every day. You're getting through shit through the day as you're living, as you're going through your divorce. So if you have a bad day at work and then that night you have to go to like parenting classes with your ex or you have to go sit and talk To a mediator or a lawyer or something like that, you're like mother, fuck, this is a shitty day. I guess what tomorrow be a better day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that those success stories and and the non-successful stories, yeah, show our human side. Yeah, and it and it shows or or it in Impairs to our listeners that we're human, not to us.
Speaker 2:Dating like dating apps. Learning how to do dating apps. What the hell is happening and you know, don't make plans with more than one person. I did, yes.
Speaker 1:Learn from our mistakes. We have recorded so many mistakes, stuff that we do wrong, that that we can, we can impart to you.
Speaker 2:Say, guys, don't do this shit because we're through it when David says but why Taking up parking space? I'd like the parking space.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but all your parking spaces are all filled with trash.
Speaker 2:Have a parking space. I'm in the alley next to the dumpster like what the fuck?
Speaker 1:when I first got here.
Speaker 2:He's like Rachel.
Speaker 1:Oh sorry, there's a trash and then that one container with all the grease.
Speaker 2:It's like the one from the Chinese restaurant and you're like dead bodies in it. That's my, my parking space. That is not so I saw.
Speaker 1:And that is not carna sutra nori, that is. That's k why, jelly?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So again we definitely have some inspiring.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do what we do and don't do we do, in moderation learn learn from us.
Speaker 2:Yes, you just as your example of what not to do sometimes.
Speaker 1:What not to do and what to do, but learn from us, don't eat the figure it out don't eat the frosted flakes here, y'all yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Try, try like raisin bran.
Speaker 1:Don't eat the yellow snow and don't eat the fries of flakes.
Speaker 2:Pick your crazy. But yeah, oh. So the next one is stop reflection and growth.
Speaker 1:Um oh yeah.
Speaker 2:I think we both. Well again, I said it before we've grown. I have come so far. I.
Speaker 1:Think the best. I think the ultimate way to heal from divorce is to start a podcast, or be invited and just take over.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Go to podcast as a guest one day and just take fucking over.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean make it become your own show, you know, and then or be a guest. Be a guest to see how you like it, because not everybody's meant for podcast, Not everybody when they have this big black furry thing in your face and you're not doing that little crazy noise thing can be on all the time, and I think it, we just are ourselves. So I think that's what works too. We don't.
Speaker 1:I am very blessed that Rachel is an introvert and what happens is she can have the worst day at school and come here at at 3, 34 o'clock and just bust it out. Man, she always wants to. Once I get her going, there's almost no stopping her. Yeah, no matter what kind of day she has at school. The kids got her in there, the teachers got her in there, but never the administration. The administration got her in there, but she comes in and bust it out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and David has been working with people all day, you know, dealing with the public in general, kids parents bad bad, broken teeth, you know. We try to be real and we try not to.
Speaker 1:Oh no, we're real.
Speaker 2:We try to bring our personal ass, that ass ass. I bring my ass with me wherever I go but aspects of our life. to given an example, in a divorce or how most of the things in our life are similar. It's how we react to them and so, like a death and divorce are similar because you're losing something or you are no longer a part of something, or if you have an argument with someone. You may be having a bad day and you just might lash out at someone because at that moment they're in your space, but it also might be from a lot of time of suppressing something and going. You know what. I'm had enough of your shit today, and because I had such a great day and I did my podcast yesterday, I'm going to tell you fuck off. I'm going to tell you and again, it may not matter that I told you that, but I feel better. So it really is about helping you feel better. And you know again, podcasting is my new journaling and I started out journaling and that's where I got like myself the words to the spoken word. That's how you reflect on yourself, Absolutely, Because it's on paper and you can see it, and you have documentation of what you did today, how you reacted to something, the energy that you gave off or the energy that you know you absorbed, and now it's changed your mood. So you know, if you don't learn from the things that you're doing and you're repeating a cycle we say it all the time it's insanity, so you need to change it up and again. One step out of fear is how you start living.
Speaker 1:Number six coping strategies. This podcast equips listeners with effective coping strategies, and I have some examples to manage the emotional challenges of divorce, helping them develop resilience and navigate the healing process more smoothly.
Speaker 2:You see how I got one of my coping strategies in there.
Speaker 1:Starcasm Ready, ready, ready. Okay, my, my two favorite coping mechanisms, either K or no. Well, we've learned no no and no can have no Sometime like sex. We say no moisture reaction. Oh man, it's like yes damn.
Speaker 2:I know the face that you just made. I'm not sure. Well, we need it. You get it, kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, every time I do that to Valerie she wants to call 911, but Checking your smile and your pulses and your droop. Seconds, couple seconds. Okay, I'm done. 10 seconds done we're good.
Speaker 2:Yeah just a little. Did you just say you only last 10 seconds? No, I did not say that.
Speaker 1:I said that the face last for 10 seconds.
Speaker 2:Okay, Okay. I just need to reiterate that I didn't not say that I was a. I mean.
Speaker 1:I was a sure, not a grower.
Speaker 2:Okay, I just need to make sure we were clear. Because we want to be clear and concise, concise, we took this buck, but we don't want to be funny.
Speaker 1:Oh hell, no, hell, no we can't be funny.
Speaker 2:No, no and coconut, one of our best is laughing. We laugh at our stuff all the time, oh shit.
Speaker 1:Before he records, says stupid shit to me if we could, if we could play the stuff we talk about before the podcast, oh my god.
Speaker 2:But then you're like stop talking. We have a podcast and then we forget it all. Are you for?
Speaker 1:don't get record when Rachel's pissed off about the day. Oh my god.
Speaker 2:I've never pissed off about my day. My days are always great.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, please work with kids and schools.
Speaker 2:Yeah, great, okay Okay. Okay well, no, I'm just gonna go to work, and I'd be like, no, I just walk away and the children would be like, wait, what happened? What?
Speaker 1:Yeah, number seven, building a supportive community. You know, if I look at the metrics and I see some of the same towns being listened to, yeah, I know we got a community out there, but it brings out to us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let me feel, or tell us what you want to hear what you're struggling with, or something, a topic that we may not reach on enough, or Some stuff because again we are we're here for you. Yeah, and us. I love I, I love our um listeners. I get a couple little responses from people I send stuff to and they're like oh my god, you guys just like made my day. I don't even know what you talked about, but I know I'm laughing. I felt better. I'm just like that happens to us too. We have no idea what the topic was and we're like wait, we just finished our podcast. That's great. Um, it kind of gets blurry, so, um, I think.
Speaker 1:Squirrels we are definitely squirrels, no you are a squirrel, I stay on top sometimes you get squirrelly, though, and then if I have to reel you in, oh, that's, scary that we we know we've lost all control.
Speaker 2:See when you start playing your songs and you're hitting the wrong buttons and shit. But yeah, I think our listeners help us, we, we want to help somebody and if one listener responds to us and says, hey, you made my day.
Speaker 1:You shot out the word.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, but yeah, like a lot of times if one of my one of the friends that I send my podcast, they're like, hey, guess what this one did, or guess what this, this, what this asshole did today, or whatever, like, hey, listen to this podcast number, listen to this one, listen to that, um, or read this book that I read, or one of our guests had this book about you know, not being an asshole. It's listen to that, or you know, or call you know our friend Kelly, who sells vibrators, and Then no one fucking cares.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just just don't put it in your mouth.
Speaker 2:You know, well, then you would get more business, because we have broken teeth.
Speaker 1:There you go, put them in your mouth.
Speaker 2:Put it in your mouth. That's what she said.
Speaker 1:Uh, number eight this is one we don't deal with. What we're going to say Okay, legal and practical advice. Our legal advice is to get a lawyer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's our advice and also Know, know your rights, learn as fast as possible what you're entitled to, like the bank accounts, the credit cards, the house mortgage, what you're going to be responsible for when you get divorced. Like it doesn't just like, oh, we're not married anymore, no, there's a lot of shit that goes into it. Who's going to get the kids? There's a lot of steps that go into the process and so, again, we can only talk about our, our Experiences, but we can't give you any legal advice. I again, I can. I watch. Just because I watch suits doesn't mean I'm a lawyer, yeah, and that whole show is based on the premises of a guy faking to be a lawyer, so yeah parenting support. Yeah, I think because of our age, of our kids too. Um, you know, my little guy, it was eight when I was going through mine and mine were in high school. And my older ones were in college and then just going into college and so we have a couple dynamics but we don't have the little kids going through the stuff or, you know, packing up the baby and sending it to dad's house or packing up the toddler and doing that stuff. So we don't. We can give you insight, but a lot of our guests may have younger kids or someone that you know may have your kids, and we can have a guest on that has smaller children and dealing with a divorce or Don't be a dick. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Women and guys, don't be a dick to kids.
Speaker 2:And we're a big advocate. Don't use the children in this. They didn't decide to be married, Married. They didn't decide to have to have themselves. So make sure that anything that you're doing in this divorce process, you know, will affect them at some point, even if it's, even if it's amicable Did. Children perceive things different. They are living a different life than you are and perception their perception and A little bit more myopic, I guess. Yeah, yeah. So you know, just because you're dealing well with the divorce or you're including them doesn't mean that the child's not going to perceive things like if dad, if the kid hears dad say something about mom to the new girlfriend or vice versa, they're now upset that dad talked bad about the mom but won't say anything. And then you know we'll come home and like I'm sad and crying. You know why do you and daddy hate each other? Or there's a lot of things that the kids don't.
Speaker 1:So many dynamics.
Speaker 2:Yeah, geez, you know, tell you. So you have to be aware of them being there, what's going to affect them. Even you could be having the worst day, but you also have to remember that that child is. You know your responsibility and you know so don't use them in.
Speaker 1:Number 10. Environment and moving forward. Yeah, that's, that's. The goal is to empower our listeners to move forward with their lives. You know, the ultimate goal is to accept, realize, find, realize and accept their new reality.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you know, with the podcast we show you that we can heal. But the moment something else comes up that is new or a new, you know, say, your spouse gets a new job and they have to move away. Now to how to do that. Or you know your kids are graduating. There's holidays that you know, or things that came up for vacations, all these things that come up, um, now that you're divorced, like who's paying for the sports, who's? Who's traveling with them? Who's doing this? You know what your responsibilities are during the week, or you know. So. I think once you get a plan, once you start living this new life, um, it empowers you, because you're like, oh, look where I was last time. I couldn't even get in the car, I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't do this. So moving forward is your ultimate goal of you know. Look how far I've come. I don't cry on the podcast every day, every time, or I don't have a while. I don't have an explosive reaction to hearing bad news, or I don't have a like well, it was me or you know. So you, I think you know we need to learn to empower ourselves. And you know, just because you're getting divorced doesn't mean that you're less than because a lot of people think, oh, I'm divorced, I got baggage and but you're.
Speaker 1:But you have to accept your new life and you have to live it as as hardly and and as intently as you were married. Yeah, yeah, just just cause someone's gone, you can be wrong Cause healing in itself is empowering.
Speaker 2:Like I did not write the mean texts, I wrote the K, and I meant the K because I don't really have a way to respond to it, to be nice or to get my point across and to argue what's the point, like, what is the actual point? So do your thing, move on, move forward. I know that you are stronger than you know and a lot of times with divorce, you don't have the choice not to be strong. You just do it and then you're like oh, look at me, I was awesome, I did a great job, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:All right folks. That was our 10 top reasons to listen to that Hail. I think so.
Speaker 2:Holy baseball size. Oh, my poor car.
Speaker 1:No, not bad. No, it's not bad, that's huge. No, it's not, that's what she said.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:All right, everybody. Have a nice For the hail, all right.
Speaker 2:Holy hail, bye, bye, love you.
Speaker 1:Summer T.
