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Well, let's get the 9 final David's and Rachel's Laws of Divorce Recovery out of the way. They can apply to all no matter what stage of your divorce you are in.
Have you ever felt like you're riding an emotional rollercoaster, with ups, downs, twists, and turns that leave you breathless and exhausted? That's the reality for many people experiencing divorce. From anger to sadness, acceptance to defiance, the emotions can be overwhelming. Yet, it's crucial to honor each one without getting caught in a toxic cycle. We'll be sharing our personal journeys and struggles, helping you understand that it's okay to feel drained, but it's equally important not to let these emotions consume you. Discussions of:
Navigating a divorce is hard, but you don't have to do it alone. This episode sheds light on the value of professional help, positive communication, and setting boundaries. We also touch on the power of seeking support from unlikely places. It could be a stranger who becomes a friend, or a casual conversation that offers a fresh perspective. Dealing with divorce requires strength, but it also teaches us the power of vulnerability and the importance of reaching out.
Whether you're on the road to recovery or dealing with co-parenting challenges post-divorce, we've got your back. We discuss the potential pitfalls and the principles to keep in mind, especially when it comes to the welfare of your children. And if you're dreading those conversations with your ex-partner, we've got some pointers on staying confident, setting boundaries, and mastering the art of active listening. And remember, every small win is a stride towards healing - it's okay to celebrate them. We're here to remind you to give yourself the grace and space you need to heal, one day at a time.
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Speaker 1:
Welcome everybody out there to Divorce Devil, so 134. Divorce Devil is where we help people heal from divorce.
Speaker 2:
We've gone through it, we've been in it, We're recovering always, always learning and healing and trying to help others.
Speaker 1:
Hey hey, hey, hey, but it's Dadey, double D, dadey.
Speaker 2:
We got the double D.
Speaker 1:
Double D, not A, but double D.
Speaker 2:
I got the double Ds too, just back in my side.
Speaker 1:
Anyway, we're going to stay on topic today. We're going to try. Today we're talking about part two of David, or Rachel's and David's laws of divorce recovery. Oh, i think it's time to go first, divided into two podcasts, so this is eight through 16. Yep So eight, divided into two, is the law of honoring emotions. Yeah, that's what we're starting, so let's start with that, rachel.
Speaker 2:
This is this one's hard, because I feel like when you're going through divorce, a lot of people like, oh, she's always so sad She's getting divorced, she's always so. This, she's all you know. You get that label put on you because divorce is that, divorce is. You're mad, you're sad, you might have a like. I remember doing that, like I don't know what else to do but laugh because I can't believe this is happening to me, or this is where I'm at in my life, or I can't believe this person said that, or I can't believe this family member, you know, is taking the other one's side, or whatever. So there's a lot of times when you're emotions, you're like I don't even know what the fuck I'm feeling, like You don't realize the amount of emotion that can hit you in a five minute span when you're going through anything Grief, divorce, all the things which divorce is a grief.
Speaker 1:
So a death.
Speaker 2:
If you don't know how to deal with any of those. Sometimes you're just like, oh, i'm just going to cry.
Speaker 1:
You know you have to feel the feels.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, yeah, you just can't ignore them, you have to rip that bandaid off and go, and I think this is a tough one. I mean again, i can only say from my perspective as a woman is men have always been, you know told much, much, oh.
Speaker 1:
Man, you're not allowed to cry or you're weak. Well, I'm going to be your macho man.
Speaker 2:
Exactly, and if you're not, I was that was decent. I mean, the tone was okay. Well, what was like? but I think a lot of times men are told that they're not allowed to have emotion. but they're. your, your family is still being taken apart. Your, your structure is going to change, your schedule is going to change, the dynamics of what you built as a human is going to change, and if you don't have the go through the motions a lot of times, what does it turn into? What did you have, david?
Speaker 1:
Anger.
Speaker 2:
Anger, you could just be sad, but then you're taking it out on people because you're sad, because you don't know how to express your sadness.
Speaker 1:
And I think all the emotions are needed. You know, you know, there's not not one bad emotion, i think it's. it's a bad emotion if you sit in too long.
Speaker 2:
Yeah Well, and I think too, like with grief, a lot of the things that go along with grief, like denial and acceptance and all these things, each of those has a different timing of emotion. So, like, if you're in denial, you're fucking pissed off, you're mad, you're sad, you're mad, you're mad, you're mad. And then you get to that point where, like, i don't care how I feel, i'm just going to feel it, and I don't care from hurt and your feelings, i don't care if you're offended, i don't care if I'm doing whatever I'm supposed to do, and you get into this defiance. And if you stick in that defiance of any of those phases or emotions, it becomes, you know, toxic.
Speaker 1:
And it defines who you are and how you relate to people. Yeah, but it's so much fun though.
Speaker 2:
It is Oh well. And again, if you stayed in that, look where you would be still you wouldn't. You know you may not have found happiness. You may not have found. You know your passion of doing this and you know all the things that go into that and divorce recovery. And just once you've gone through an emotion, recognize it because it's going to come back.
Speaker 1:
I think there's a failsafe. Be mad for so long, yeah, because presenting your emotions every day that's a lot of work, that's a lot of energy. You're being exhausted.
Speaker 2:
I mean, there are times where you just want to lay in bed, because you're pissed off and anything you do is going to go wrong anyway. So why the fuck? you know, and a lot of times, if you haven't, if you weren't the one who pulled the plug for the divorce, or I mentioned the divorce first, i mean, there's a lot of signs that lead to it and maybe one person has blinders on, but if you are blindsided every time the same thing happens, you are healing And so each time that that emotion comes up, it's going to be a little less stingy. if you want to say So the next time your ex sends you a huge text and you're just like, okay.
Speaker 1:
Okay.
Speaker 2:
But if you write that proverbial long two page text, it just keeps going.
Speaker 1:
It's just snowballs.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and the cycle is toxic and someone has to be the bigger person at some point and hopefully that you guys can come together and, you know, not keep telling each other.
Speaker 1:
So just like you go through the emotions, you got to go through that devastating cycle too. You know you got to go through the negative in order to get to the positive. You just can't jump to the positive. Hey, i'm healed.
Speaker 2:
Oh, yeah, i feel great. Yeah, i know.
Speaker 1:
No more anger. Yeah Bitch, no more anger.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, you, just you can't get lost in what?
Speaker 1:
Feel, all the feels.
Speaker 2:
You don't know what it's like to go through divorce until you go through it. You don't know what it's like to lose a parent. You don't know what it's like to you know lose your job until you lose that job or you know. So all the experiences in your life lead up to those emotions And each event in your life has happened to you before. Probably How you react to it is how you heal or how you become a better person, and what's our goal in life is to become the best version of us, right, so that you can find love and healing and all the other things and passion again and do the things you love And also make it to a ripe old age of you know 100.
Speaker 1:
62. 63, hopefully Damn it, David. 63. Yes.
Speaker 2:
But yeah, i think we need to. we think we need to learn that it's okay to have the feelings and emotion and go through it, but it also have to know too that if someone's not willing to accept that emotion in you like if you're ex, you seem to be ex-spouse isn't willing to, that's okay too. Yeah, you know, because a lot of times. I'm like, why is anymore mad? I'm like, I'm this mad. you should be madder, or you should be eagerly upset or sad or whatever, And a lot of times that would you know, hinder our next one.
Speaker 1:
That's a competition phase. Yeah, The force is not a competition. Oh, keeping a tally man. Oh man the tally.
Speaker 2:
That leads into our next one.
Speaker 1:
Where Oh?
Speaker 2:
Which is.
Speaker 1:
Oh, the one I hate communication, The law of communication.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, man are great at that. Great, we're awesome, we are the best.
Speaker 2:
End of five.
Speaker 1:
Don't laugh, don't laugh.
Speaker 2:
End of five. We're the best. Yeah, yeah, thanks for listening. It's not just.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, i love you Hump, hump Good, oh good.
Speaker 2:
Favorite juice cat Yes.
Speaker 1:
Sleep, sleep now, grab your hair, Sleep.
Speaker 2:
She's. I, just, I, literally just what should you pull in Vow's hair Across the-?
Speaker 1:
She's asleep now. You sleep too with me, yeah.
Speaker 2:
Hump, hump. That's where you got me. I was like what the hell just happened? Of course, that's all I could think of, because you know that's who I am. But no, i think what happens. Why do people get divorced. They lose-. Communication, communication They lose communication And you know when you're first dating and you're everything. You want to talk about, everything, you want to know all the things, and, especially young, you're like oh so what's your hobbies And what are you like then? Where are we going to have the picket fence and where are you going to live And what are the holidays going to look like? And da, da, da, I feel like that does not happen.
Speaker 1:
I think every single problem in the divorce, cause of divorce, it can be based on communication, absolutely Every single one. You're unsheathing communication.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah. Stop buying the generic fucking Frosted Flakes. I want the one with the tiger.
Speaker 1:
Damn if you're getting divorced because of generic Frosted Flakes.
Speaker 2:
Like well, serial dating is where I was going.
Speaker 1:
All art.
Speaker 2:
All art.
Speaker 1:
You need some high-side Frosted Flakes.
Speaker 2:
They're a little crazy but they're fun. But you can wrangle them in a little, you know.
Speaker 1:
Damn, what a similar metaphor Damn.
Speaker 2:
I'm just saying, like you, if you don't communicate the shit out of things, you won't know where that person is. And again, as a girl, lance can say something. And two days later I'm like what did he mean by that Wait? why is it wait? did I? did I acknowledge him enough? so he doesn't know the? so he knows that I listened, but I'm just now all thinking.
Speaker 1:
Man don't think that far down the pipe.
Speaker 2:
And that's how we are. So because our communication and our makeup is so different that when women are like like, when I'm quiet, i'm overthinking this shit out of everything, and half the time I don't even realize I'm doing it, he'll be like what's wrong with you? I'm like wait, is something wrong with me? What did I do? Did I? because of past experiences where it's like what's wrong with you? Why do you always have to be that? Why are you so emotional? Why are you in your period? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, like what the hell?
Speaker 1:
That's communication, but not the right communication.
Speaker 2:
That's death by words.
Speaker 1:
It's communication, but it's probably not the most positive. That's aggressive, aggressive, not even passive.
Speaker 2:
Aggressive, aggressive, squared communication, Dude do not be like I am on your, i am on your period because guess what We're about to stab you in our eyes.
Speaker 1:
So what you're gonna do is that are you having your monthly this today? Is that why you're?
Speaker 2:
okay, baby. No, this is how boys.
Speaker 1:
How do you, how do you ask Boys? How do you ask?
Speaker 2:
Do you need a heating pack? Would you like some ice cream? Do you want salty or sweet, do you like?
Speaker 1:
a warm. Do you want a Hershey bar? Do you want me to wrap?
Speaker 2:
do you want me to run you a bath? Would you like chocolate on that ice cream? Do you want? what else would I? what kind of do you want to watch Home?
Speaker 1:
home grind, grind. Thank you.
Speaker 2:
Do you want to watch Christmas movies in July from a home art channel? Yes, dear, that's what I'd like. That's where you start, boys.
Speaker 1:
That that is the ultimate communication. I mean right there, she, she won't go nowhere.
Speaker 2:
She'd be your wife forever. You do that and you're getting some head.
Speaker 1:
Okay.
Speaker 2:
You're welcome.
Speaker 1:
Yes, all right. Thanks for listening.
Speaker 2:
And they're still here. Thanks for listening. I just, i just tell, i just say what y'all are thinking, so you're welcome And then head that transfers into number 10.
Speaker 1:
Law or professional help? Mental, I don't mean professional. Professional, I mean professional. Do not be afraid to ask for professional help.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and we do not claim to be professionals. We have just been through it and we've a lot of times like mine.
Speaker 1:
He thinks the like we have learned some shit on this, But we can't tell you what to do.
Speaker 2:
Oh, we have learned some stuff in the last couple of days too. We got, we got some shit in our.
Speaker 1:
We got some. We got some shit in our suitcases.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And again, each of our experiences are different but they're similar because that's the pain that hurt, the healing and trying to figure out all. All the things that we learned to can be used in a lot of other situations in your life, you're not just divorce You know and you know communication. You have a you know someone in your life, a family member in your life, that you just can't communicate with because they're not willing to actively listen. You have to set boundaries and be like you know what. Here's my emotions. You need professional help.
Speaker 1:
What you do is look them in the face. You say do you need a chocolate bar?
Speaker 2:
I mean it should always start with her, She should always start with her. Yeah, but no, i think we we need to be more willing to seek help from trained professionals that say here's what is, and a lot of times a couple sessions and you're like I'm.
Speaker 1:
I didn't know that. Oh my gosh Yeah.
Speaker 2:
I didn't see it from that angle, and especially if it's someone neutral, because a lot of times who's the first people we go? to our family.
Speaker 1:
I never liked him anyway, i never liked her anyway.
Speaker 2:
Our friends he's always been this or she's always been that, so you're not really getting the person that you fell in love with, true dynamic, and why you two don't work right. It's a bias because there's been times when it's been great right Cause you didn't get married because it was terrible. Ah shit, i'm marrying her because it's terrible. No that's not what happens. You lost sight of what was important and all of the stuff that was on the outside or not nourishing this marriage.
Speaker 1:
The negatives were overwrite the positive. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And again, communication is really big. So if a lot of I mean I don't know when you were got married, but when I got married, any church that you were going to you had to take classes, you'd be like Oh, you need to take classes.
Speaker 1:
I think we did.
Speaker 2:
You know who's doing this and what's religion and what? are the kids going to be baptized and this, and that I mean there was church. like you, if you were getting married in church, you had to meet with the pastor or the reverend, all that and stuff. So there were things put in place and I don't really think people listen. It was like, oh, i'm getting married, whether they like it or not. So here you go.
Speaker 1:
People heard it. Yeah, Number 12, law of self discovery No 11. 11.
Speaker 2:
We can't do it That I just dang positive.
Speaker 1:
Positive environment. Keep that positive Five. Yeah, you know, if you what speak, it do it.
Speaker 2:
This is a really hard one though.
Speaker 1:
Why.
Speaker 2:
When you're going through divorce, it's really hard to be positive, especially in the beginning that anything is going to work out.
Speaker 1:
That's like baby steps, then Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And so I think a lot of times for me I don't have any, i don't have family here, like I have my kids, but my kids were in the midst of it in a different space, right, because there's the kids. I had friends. I had a friend that when I first gone through it she had just come out of some shit with her, her husband, who she's still with, actually, and then you know another one, this, and people were coming at me going. I can help you because I'm doing this or I went through this and did that, but I didn't have like a family surrounding me going it's going to be okay. So I felt very, very alone. So everything was like I'm going to have to move back, i'm going to have to do this.
Speaker 1:
But sometimes, even if you have a family surrounding you, that's not a good thing.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, no. Well, the people that I reached out to most were very far away and they can talk to me over the phone, but sometimes I just needed a hug or drink a bottle of wine with my best friend from back home and that didn't always have that support of someone who's known me my whole life, hence the serial dating. Hence the whole face, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:
Homies, homies Yeah.
Speaker 2:
I'm not looking for a meal. I'm sorry, hold me or homie. Most of my Serial dating was I just need a meal because I got $27 in the bank you know, wasn't most.
Speaker 1:
Most of my sero dating was just hold.
Speaker 2:
Give me some sugar.
Speaker 1:
No, i think, hold me or hold me.
Speaker 2:
Hold me, hold me. Yeah, so I think, um, the positive environment that I got was really like, i say all the time, my friend who was like bringing me A protein shake, so honey, and or you know that stranger that's like, hey, you know How are you doing today. Or you just get a smile on the street And you know that random call from a friend back home or my, you know, one of my cousins would call me or somebody. Like the people that I expected to be there the most weren't, because we really were like trying to figure things out as just like my ex and kids and all that and try to do that and to move back would be too much money and to do this and to whatever. And You know, most of the people I talked to were like I can't believe you two are getting divorced. You're like, you're like our, you know, the example of good marriage.
Speaker 1:
I don't hear that shit.
Speaker 2:
And I was like, yeah, i just want to be able to do the same. You call me for everything. Like the wind changes direction, you don't know how to handle it, so you call me. I call you because I'm divorced was like I can't help you. I got my own things. So I think the positive for me, my positive environment, was getting back into playing like volleyball and journaling and doing that. So my positive environment was because it was toxic for a while too was my, my son. I had to be like it's gonna be great, everything's positive. This is great and it was. I faked it until I made it. I, you know, fudged a lot of things. I just tried to find happy in the little of things and I think, you know, thanks to good friends and stuff, i got to where I was and you know one friend reaching out here too and being able to be here, and That was. That was a hard one for me, because I felt really alone for a long time.
Speaker 1:
I think also that that positive environment, what, what kind of lives to itself is having realistic expectations, and And that takes a while That's it. That's a learned thing, you know, because all your expectations are like this is going to be shit, nothing good's gonna happen. But over time, your expectations changes.
Speaker 2:
The weirdest thing about positive energy as soon as I was no longer a unit with my ex. There was no more yelling, there was no more fighting. There wasn't there was every once in a while. So the energy that wasn't there to you recognized it Yeah so there, there wasn't that always walking on eggshells or once a fight gonna start, i'm gonna have to defend myself, or when I'm gonna have to, you know, validate or do this or you know whatever. So there was a lot more like Weight lifted off of me. So which was the positive thing I got myself back into nature. I started doing things that, like didn't have to think so, those mindless activities that created positive stuff. So I think that and then setting boundaries, like I literally like one of the best friend who I was, you know, living in a parents house, i'm like I do not want your advice, like literally the advice that you're giving me I do not want because of your situation that you're in is Not conducive to help me.
Speaker 1:
Yes, you tell within.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, of course, so yeah misery loves. Company number 12 self-discovery and that goes with positive environment too, right?
Speaker 1:
And that also goes with Self-care, yeah, which is one of our favorites.
Speaker 2:
Self-care does not have to mean like you're going to the spa, you're going to like Tahiti. I mean you can do that if you want. You don't have to like pray, eat, love, whatever you know. You don't have to do all that. You can go for a walk, you can figure out your neighborhood Like. I literally moved into a new neighborhood. I'm like I don't know how to get out, get home.
Speaker 1:
But just a lot of boundaries. Setting boundaries Yeah, that's like software figure out.
Speaker 2:
You know what. You used to go to King's Super all the time. Now You're like you know what. I'm gonna try safe way, just because I want to be selfish. Yeah, and I'm gonna be selfish. And I think you know the big one too is being able to say no. Oh, hell yeah and if you want to say yes, there's no one to tell you that you can't still say no. No, but still say no but if you want to say no, no, still say no.
Speaker 1:
There's things I want to do that I would, but not say no first and said, okay, we can do it, but that knows like what? I don't know that.
Speaker 2:
Jumped off the stratosphere in Vegas and it was like this empowering thing. I wanted to do that so bad. But I never did because I have to be a mom if something happens and I die, I'm no longer mom.
Speaker 1:
I'm no longer talk to self.
Speaker 2:
I can't do this. I I can't be unsafe because I'm the mom I'm gonna start living my life because, you know, i'm almost 50. So when my butt breaks again, my butt hiking, it's okay And I will be able to do it. I'd be like you know, i don't want to have regrets of no, i should have done that, i should have went, i should have tried to incline. Never, not, i've said. I'm said that out of craziness, because I don't not want to do anything Well, Monday but like so the things.
Speaker 1:
I love a podcast from the top.
Speaker 2:
I Little thing from SpongeBob or like from them, the little mermaid Squishy, whatever. But yeah, i don't want to regret doing things I didn't do because I'm the mom or the this or the that or Someone you know. Even if, even if Lance didn't want to do something, i'm gonna be like hey, i want to do this. I know you're supporting me, even though and you do it separately and again, and I think that's what you Have to communicate, like I really would like to do this, or skis in a different country, or whatever. I'm not gonna hold myself back anymore because I'm the mom or because I'm the spouse or because I'm the best. You know I have to do it, so I think that's you know. Self-discovery really is stepping outside of your bounds and stepping outside of fear and living your life and again, we both know that it's very short our lives and Figure it out number 13, law of financial stability, rachel's favorite. My own bills.
Speaker 1:
That didn't define you, that, that's just to find you in that moment you know, I heard this thing.
Speaker 2:
It's like People will say to someone who's been through a lot of adversities like I've been through some shit in my life, right I'm again. We all know my losses, whatever. I did not get a choice to be strong, I just did it because of all the resiliency that I have, or how I was raised, or how I was.
Speaker 1:
Well, you do have a choice to be strong.
Speaker 2:
Well, i'm saying, is I either did it or I? Or didn't Or didn't, and I guess my makeup is. I'm not going to let this defeat me, because so many things could have broken me down that you don't get to win. You don't get to talk to me like shit anymore and tell me that I'm no good, because I know that I am and I've found my worth and I've you know, unless you're living for yourself and your kids. Yeah, and I think you know that started from growing up where I was such an adult as a young kid, like at eight years old. I pretty much was an adult And taking care of other adults you know my parents or my sister that had, you know, cerebral palsy and doing all these things in my brain. I was just living, i wasn't surviving, i was doing what was expected in a family we take care of each other. I didn't realize that, hey, i should have probably not having you know, to cook dinners all the time and do this and take care of my sister and do the whole thing Damn. But I also learned that that's who I am, That's who it may. I'm a nurse because of it. I take care of things because I can get things done and I know how to figure things out. And if I don't know how to do it, I'm okay with asking for help one time. I can figure it out now, Let me. I want to do it.
Speaker 1:
I want to do it, and then I figure it out.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and so I think you, a lot of people, don't get the choice to be strong. They either are because no one else will be, or they just you know why not. Why am I going to burn in someone else with my things when I am capable of doing it? I have a body that you know. Thankfully I have, i can still do things and whatever, and you know 14, law of co-parenting. I think, I think a lot of people really don't listen to this Abuse that They just abuse that shit. You know, their children did not ask to be here. They didn't ask for their parents to get divorced.
Speaker 1:
They're not a weapon.
Speaker 2:
And if you use them, then you're the problem.
Speaker 1:
Weaponize your kids.
Speaker 2:
I really there's like no sugar coating it If you use your child as a weapon to get something from someone you once said you are the asshole. You're a dick, Yeah, yeah again, That really is no, And they shouldn't be used as pawns and they shouldn't be used to. you know, do you love me more? Let me do this and da, da, da, da. And one parent might be more financial and set and the other one not. you shouldn't use it against your ex. You at one point cared for this person and you produced a child.
Speaker 1:
Together.
Speaker 2:
Of love. Hopefully, you know.
Speaker 1:
Mistake.
Speaker 2:
So I think, at all costs you need to make sure that child is okay, Those children, So yeah, this one I don't even I.
Speaker 1:
That's a given.
Speaker 2:
You know how they say that there's a sign because someone did something stupid. There should be no sign, Like there should not be a thing going. Don't use your kid as a pawn. Don't fucking use your kid as a pawn.
Speaker 1:
Like it's a given, don't even ask.
Speaker 2:
I mean common sense has you're not the building, They're more passionate.
Speaker 1:
15, love, patience. That's a tough one too. You want to stop feeling bad immediately. You want it to go away. The pain to go away now.
Speaker 2:
The child in all of us wants instant gratification right So instant healing.
Speaker 1:
Well, that kind of happens during the whole phase.
Speaker 2:
Oh well, that too. That takes work, though too, Because you're not just like swipe and left and right. My thumbs were sore.
Speaker 1:
Swiping sex. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:
Swiping left and right. Swiping sex No swiping.
Speaker 1:
Swiping left and left Oh, prior to sex.
Speaker 2:
Left and right, you get carpal tunnel in your thumb.
Speaker 1:
I'm not just talking about Whatever the battle.
Speaker 2:
I'm like no, no, no, no, no. Oh, i got carpal tunnel.
Speaker 1:
Okay Yeah, but it's a work though.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
At the end.
Speaker 2:
Patience too, like you have to get past all the I'm used baggage or I have baggage I'm used. I did this. I did this. I failed. Look at me now. I got nothing. You either love me with $27.
Speaker 1:
You're not much ever going to love me.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, i'm not good enough. I'm not the 20-year-old you know, in stuff, famous, whatever, bullshit, influencer, crap with the fake lips and the hair and the eyelashes and all the things. I'm who I am. I'm this age and it really is trying to sell yourself. And if you don't know who you are coming out of divorce, how do you sell a product yourself to someone else confidently? What's your marketing skill?
Speaker 1:
You don't just put yourself up there in the corner, i just suck.
Speaker 2:
Do you use an app And then, when you open the app and there's a penis looking at you, you're like so this is what dudes look like. Now on the internet Peniscom.
Speaker 1:
It's like what the heck is this? Why is there a penis on the app? I never asked you to send me a dick pic. Why'd you send me dick?
Speaker 2:
pics Yeah, unsolicited people Fella stops sending unsolicited. I mean, if you're into that only fans is making millions, Do yourself a favor and go there. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so again there's a learning curve.
Speaker 2:
There's all these things. You got to get your mind right. There's, you know, we got to be safe in this world today, two women, men, everybody, you know there's so many people out there trying to hurt us and you know just it really is be patient heal that first date.
Speaker 1:
All right, Yep yep, as I can say 16 law of gratitude. give yourself grace. Yeah, yeah, be be happy with the small wins.
Speaker 2:
Yeah and again. There's so many reasons that people get divorced you know There's narcissism abuse just didn't work out. There's amicable ones. You know what? We just don't see a future.
Speaker 1:
I still want to be one of those people.
Speaker 2:
None, you may have said you didn't want kids and now you want kids. I know a lot of people are like you know what I? decided, i did and I told him I didn't you know. They said they separate their ways And I think we need to learn to be happy in the space for in no matter what it is, and again, sometimes that's you know what I'm gonna have to call out today, because I just won't be a Functioning productive human at work. I'm gonna take a day for myself.
Speaker 1:
Take those small wins, go up on the, go up on the hill and just scream. And I just won you know what?
Speaker 2:
today I didn't cry For the whole day small world, small win.
Speaker 1:
Yes.
Speaker 2:
Someone asked me you know why were that two different shoes to work? today I was wacky shoe day, I don't know like, so you just have to go. Oh yeah, go with it go with it and You know everything doesn't make sense. I feel like you know that whole, like you know it sounds funny looking in the mirror and go You are great, you are good enough, you are worthy, you're gonna do this. It's okay to cry, It's okay. Yeah, if you need space, say, hey, you know what, i just can't do that right now. It'll still be there, you know. And again it's it's better to Say like to your boss. You know, today My divorce is really kicking my ass. If I could just sit in a room or if I can just do this, if I can do, i Will go home if you need me to, but if I can do something to just get my mind off or whatever, i know a lot of times was like I can't nurse today, i, i can do that through the paperwork, but can someone do that? you?
Speaker 1:
know no limitations, No.
Speaker 2:
No brainwaves I just unless it's emergency, like come get me, you know so once again say no. Yeah, take a minute eat something, take a minute go out on a walk. Yeah, be grateful that you got out of it. If it was a bad, bad situation, be grateful that you got out of there. Be grateful that you're gonna start healing. Be grateful that you have a support thing. If you don't have support, you know, call, email us. We won't can help, no, or we know someone that can help, or you know We can gear you to guide you to a podcast, a specific topic, if you're doing it. We're we are trying to get on to that. It was a holiday, so my bad. So yeah, just just know your limitations and know that divorce recovery really is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. And you know we are here to help and We learn to.
Speaker 1:
We have learned some fun stuff the last couple days and just remember, these laws are not absolutes, but rather guiding principles to consider during divorce recovery. Each individual journey is unique and is Important to adapt these principles to your specific circumstances and need and you will have to revisit them. Oh yeah, especially with like grief.
Speaker 2:
You know you're gonna be angry today, gonna be this, you know, And they don't. You just don't go all through them in one order even years later, years later, yeah, yeah five minutes period. It's like you know the day before your first court date. Oh, you're like I'm sad, i'm mad, i'm angry, i'm happy, oh, finally, oh wait, what. I gotta get dressed for this too.
Speaker 1:
I'm wearing my sexy dress for the judge.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, when you get that, you know post divorce spotty. So yeah, you just Just know that you've got support and you know yep, it's gonna be okay. It's okay Ask. people are saying if you need anything and everybody's like, oh yeah, but you never ask. ask, sometimes it's okay, like you know they can say no you pick me up milk so I can actually eat.
Speaker 1:
Serial some cereal. Can you give me some cereal cereal?
Speaker 2:
make sure it's not a generic, the real shit we don't want generic fossil flakes, okay, but yeah, so yeah, just take time, be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, you know, set boundaries, communicate, do all the things we talked about, and you know you can always reach out to us too.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so that is eight through 16 laws Rachel and David's laws, david's death.
