Rachel’s 100th Episode featuring her Top 5 Favorite Divorce Devil Podcasts of All Time || Divorce Devil Podcast #135 || David and Rachel

David: 0:17

Welcome everybody out there to Diverse Devil, episode 135, who we have, david and Rachel, or Rachel and David, on the mic. Today is a special day it's the 100th episode for Rachel. Get excited.

Rachel: 0:32

Well, I'm pretty sure I've already got 36, because 35 we do not speak of.

David: 0:36

We're going to have 100 episodes right now.

Rachel: 0:39

Okay, regardless of what it is Well, I think it's next week, but it's okay.

David: 0:43

No, this is our 100th episode today.

Rachel: 0:45

Where's my fucking balloons and flowers and shit? Where's?

David: 0:47

my present Next week oh.

Rachel: 0:52

So we're celebrating today, but we're going to yeah so it's all about me, I guess.

David: 0:58

Yes, but we want to do a disclaimer. Nothing, we say, can be misconstrued for the truth and or any type of bullshit. Yeah.

Rachel: 1:12

So when we have guests on our shell.

David: 1:14

We're not responsible for what they fucking say.

Rachel: 1:16

Just because they think it's their truth doesn't mean it's the actual truth. And just because they don't want their truth exposed doesn't mean that we're not going to.

David: 1:25

If it is their truth.

Rachel: 1:26

And if it's their truth, then is it really false? I don't know.

David: 1:30

So we can't be responsible for what guests say on the show or do or say, or do or picture state. Or picture state.

Rachel: 1:37

take selfies I mean you do you boo? We support everybody. Yes, I mean, I think about our guests, our, guests are amazing, like the guests that we have, that. They're all over the place. Yeah yeah, the ones that have become our friends and we got to have some people back.

David: 1:48

Yeah, well, everybody's got to be on the show, yeah.

Rachel: 1:53

Yeah.

David: 2:00

We're going to get people back. Lisa Lang we're definitely going to get her back.

Rachel: 2:03

Yeah.

David: 2:03

Because I know she's probably got some stuff going on, she's, she's she's right. So today is 1.35. In celebration of the 100th episode, or 99th, we're going to do Rachel's five favorite five favorite podcast.

Rachel: 2:22

I'm married.

David: 2:24

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Must have a hair.

Rachel: 2:27

I'm even, I'm even dressed. Yes, I've been a, I've been Yellowstone and trying to, you know, show my cowboy Trying to look cute.

David: 2:35

No no no, no, it was like Rochette Costner, costner, yeah, yes.

Rachel: 2:39

I have my rip.

David: 2:42

I'm going to do a long. You know I will $149,000 a month, which I support, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

Rachel: 2:48

I just watch it. I go, I read that I'm like.

David: 2:53

that's a whole different world.

Rachel: 2:56

She has to maintain her fucking lifestyle. Yes, what the hell is that Eating gold plates for breakfast?

David: 3:01

She doesn't even eat. It doesn't even, doesn't even work. What you got? You got three kids. Can't you take them places? Oh, okay, we digress. Okay, I'm going to go back to celebrating Rachel today.

Rachel: 3:12

I'm going to celebrate me every night 99, 100 episodes. Whatever the top five of his favorite Top five.

David: 3:19

Rachel's favorite Five ish Five ish.

Rachel: 3:21

Yeah, because she has like 10 ish. I'm going to start with a disclaimer. Yes, Because these are kind of my five favorite, but kind of not, you know me, I don't ever go follow the rules, but I just want to give a shout out to actually all of our guests that have come on.

David: 3:35

Yes, thank you very much. We love you guys.

Rachel: 3:38

The best. Of the best is like cut the cord Sex table, you know.

David: 3:42

But what was the one with the jars?

Rachel: 3:44

Yeah, your stuff in the jar.

David: 3:46

That was the one I was about to say but what was it called I?

Rachel: 3:49

don't know, I can't remember the names of the episodes.

David: 3:52

That's your job, but yeah.

Rachel: 3:53

But yes, so all of our guests have all been my favorites. They have taught us things you know love language, all this stuff, so things just in that and then Park to the spaces. Park. That was you, david. That's all you, buddy.

David: 4:04

Well, I am a guest.

Rachel: 4:06

I am on my chef, we're all guests. We're all guests.

David: 4:09

Oh, no Today is my show.

Rachel: 4:11

Okay, so my I'm going to go five to one. So my number five was episode 120, where it talks about, where we introduced the phrase like a playbook of sorts, um, fears of the unknown, and like what the post pre and you know, in the middle of divorce, like do your homework. Um, like, don't leave the family home abruptly, like little things that we had learned. Like, stay, stay still until you got all your shit worked out. Make sure you get your legal advice.

David: 4:46

Don't make rash decisions. Like immediately said fuck it, I'm out.

Rachel: 4:50

Any texts that you send can be used against you in a court of law. You know stuff like that. Um that was also the one that we talked about, like sending boundaries early, because I don't think when you're in heartbroken mode or a pissed off mode you actually know what a boundary is. You're just like no, okay, no, but you also, especially if you have children, you have to communicate. So, um, don't, um also don't use your kids.

David: 5:19

That's my law and order, I know.

Rachel: 5:21

I, I let you, I let you have that moment in my podcast.

David: 5:23

Okay.

Rachel: 5:24

Um don't use your kids as weapons and then also find support for them as fast as you can, because you guys are going through your own shit and then you don't know what the kids are feeling and how they are reacting to the news of, you know, my mom and dad aren't together anymore. Um, I think that episode was really good too, cause it's like when you're in the midst of anger or you're in the midst of sadness and you're in the midst of all the different phases of divorce, you don't really see the big picture, and every once in a while you need to step back. What's the big picture? You have once cared for this, this person. You had a family together, you have a life together, and that's all about to change. Where do you go next?

David: 6:05

You've had sex with this person.

Rachel: 6:06

Yeah, yeah, you've been intimate Like you've, and if your marriage was healthy, cause, I mean, I think marriages are healthy for some point of time and then they either fall apart or the communication falls apart. You've had to I don't know what noises he's making over here Parents.

David: 6:25

It's when it's healthy, then it's unhealthy Do you need to use the potty old man. No, it's unhealthy, Just thinking about it being unhealthy and it goes to shit.

Rachel: 6:33

Well, and then you get to that point where, like you have to stop thinking of others, I mean your ex now and take care of yourself self-preservation, self-love, self-worth all that stuff, and so I think episode 120 is a really good place to start for people who are just new to it, cause you can see where you're going, where you're headed, where you might be at. You might have healed from one phase and then you jump back to where you were like when it first started, so I think episode 120 was one of my favorite.

David: 7:03

Well, what's the title of that one?

Rachel: 7:04

I don't know. Fear of the Pre-Post End, in the middle of it, the Horse I wrote down. I didn't even write.

David: 7:11

I didn't write the title down. You didn't write down titles.

Rachel: 7:13

No, I'm an asshole.

David: 7:16

Okay, so while you look up the title, I'm gonna go, number four I'm gonna go titles for you.

Rachel: 7:20

Number four is episode 105. It was the-.

David: 7:22

Which you don't know. The title I do.

Rachel: 7:25

It was when we had our guest Dawn Diaz.

David: 7:27

Okay.

Rachel: 7:28

And she has the book, that, the shit that no one tells you about, and about the Horse. That was really good. I really liked all of her different chapters for things, how she just put it like this is gonna be how this starts and no one tells you about the dating. And no one tells you about this and no one tells you like if you're ever gonna be. You feel like when you first start you're not gonna be ready for dating. That is off your radar and nothing happens. Oh, and then one day you jump into the whole phase. So it's like, oh, I didn't know that. So I think 105 was one of my favorite because it was a different insight of like there's no real actual playbook, there's real, there are. So if you go to Barnes and Nobles and you look in the Healing from Divorce, where the fuck do you start and who has $9,000 to buy all the books and who has time to read all the books?

David: 8:18

That's why you listen to the Horse Dawn yeah.

Rachel: 8:21

And who's feeling, exactly what you're feeling when you're reading that chapter or whatever. So I think we need to do better on helping people figure out where you start, where the next step. And again, if you take couple subs back doesn't mean you're not healing, it just means that you might fall back into that trap of oh what was me? Or pity me, or I just need attention, Like someone. Give me attention.

David: 8:46

So episode 120 is embracing the fear of the unknown during either the pre-e, during and or post-phases of divorce. So you were correct. That's what I said I know, but you like really guessed and you hit it right on the head.

Rachel: 8:59

I really did. Oh, I did my homework. I look, I have notes. Aren't you proud of me? Yep, okay, so Four three. We're at number three, so this is where I said five-ish. I loved our series on peeling back the onion layer series.

David: 9:13

Those are like three, four.

Rachel: 9:14

There's four, episode 95 to 98.

David: 9:17

So that counts as one.

Rachel: 9:18

Okay, so that's one series, but it was really like the process of your fucks and starting to heal. So each you know my favorite word is fucks, giving none, and.

David: 9:28

Giving none.

Rachel: 9:28

I know all the other things to go with that.

David: 9:31

Not caring.

Rachel: 9:32

Not caring, but actually caring.

David: 9:33

Forgiveness.

Rachel: 9:35

Don't you go there, don't. That might be my number one. Forgiveness, but when we say peeling back the layers, you know that first little, the darker brown layer, that's all crunchy and it falls apart and you don't always get it at the first. Then you have that one that has all the little fray things at the end of your onions and that's all your like feelers like oh, what am I doing? Like what I have to get myself together. So it's when you have children you got to bring yourself to be that whole onion. And so as you start peeling those things back, who doesn't throw that first layer out? Cause, all the stuff that first happens, the screaming, the yelling, the, this, the name calling, the I'm calling your mom, I'm calling your dad, I'm calling your brother's and nephew's uncle Everybody's going to know what you did. We throw that one out. That, just that first layer just goes away and then you get into the. Okay, do I want to cut it this way, do I want rings, do I want slices? And I saw a thing in this shit Like what is happening. What am I adding?

David: 10:29

it to.

Rachel: 10:29

Perogis, am I adding it to a burger? Like you know, there's different types of different ways to handle your onion.

David: 10:38

And as you peel and eat the onion, it gets more tastier as you get to the middle. Yeah, so more flavor.

Rachel: 10:45

You're really trying to get to the heart of the onion, that sweet in the middle, and you know you chop that up. That might be your little tiny pieces that you add with garlic and now you've got a whole. That whole onion makes up you and it really. I love that series. You know. Listening to parts of it today I was just like you know. We really touched on a lot of things that people don't talk about and I think, when we I think a lot of why I love our podcast is we touch on shit that people want to say or hear, or do or see.

David: 11:14

Like what.

Rachel: 11:15

We tell you own your own shit. Just because someone else did something to you, or maybe the cause of the divorce.

David: 11:23

You still have ownership.

Rachel: 11:24

Something in your marriage broke, and a lot of times it can be. The most simple thing is we talk to each other every day. Whether my parents used to have this saying they used to have hall sex, they would walk past each other and say, fuck you. You know they were divorced too, but I feel like communication breaks up at some point when you're first married. You want to know all the things that I'm like what do you like? And do that. And I think it goes like this dating, like I like this and you like this. Well, I want you to be able to do this. And then it gets to you got the kids, you got your work. You're trying to reach that. Whatever the American dream is picket fence, vacations, houses, cars.

David: 11:59

The dynamics change.

Rachel: 12:00

Yeah, you want to have some people want to have status. It all starts to be less important than the core, which is you two. So, like Glenn's daughter just got married and I say to them, like I said to them, I'm like the only thing that matters in your marriage is you guys. Like you have to come first.

David: 12:20

Everything else is on piece, Especially now set boundaries.

Rachel: 12:23

Now, Like you know, we're always like hey, you don't have to come on Christmas. If you have obligations or you feel like that, someone else is telling you you have to be here at one o'clock. This is when we do stuff and this is how it's always been tradition. Do that. It's weird. It doesn't mean that much to us. Would we love to have you on Christmas day? Yes, of course, but Christmas day can be the next day or the day before.

David: 12:45

But every day's Christmas when you guys are over.

Rachel: 12:47

Yeah.

David: 12:48

So yeah, there you go.

Rachel: 12:49

When you're in a happy city. That's what got me through it. Yeah, when you're in a happy city, you know why I didn't have them? Yeah.

David: 12:54

When I came for Christmas I had to really think out of the box and say, hey, every day's Christmas.

Rachel: 12:59

Yeah, well, I think too. When you can get to a point where you know what you're valuing, your worth are, that's a present in itself. That's what we're all looking for happiness, and you know, my biggest thing is peace. Like I'm just looking for peace I've had chaos my entire life and like moments of peace are just like this is nice.

David: 13:23

Do you ever find yourself making chaos out of something that shouldn't be, just because you're so used to chaos?

Rachel: 13:30

I think I did that in the end stages of my marriage. Just to get a reaction, because I was like he's either gonna fight for me or he's not, because I've already been told from him and his mom and other people that I'm not the priority, I'm not this, the way he interacted with his family or whatever, or the way that I interacted with my family. I didn't take shit from my family eventually, but Both my parents are gone. So then I didn't have these parental units saying, well, this is how you do it and I didn't teach you like that and this is how I raised you and why aren't you doing this? Or why are you saying that when my ex, if you didn't do, say, act whatever the way she wanted, you were a disappointment to her and like, oh, you're out of the will. Like, okay, cool, cool story, I get to reverse mortgage.

David: 14:18

Yay.

Rachel: 14:21

So yeah, so, like I think you know, really peeling back, like what was my take in it? I was a full time mom, I was a full time nurse, I was a full time people pleaser. I was the you know chaos defender. Like stop, why are you fighting? Why stop fighting. There's no reason for you to be screaming.

David: 14:41

That's like exhausting.

Rachel: 14:42

It was exhausting. There's no reason to be screaming across the lane when your house is here and your house is here and you chose to live here, fuckers, but you chose it Right. So screaming across the lane is only letting is verifying to the rest of the neighbors that y'all are fucking crazy, crazy. So why? And then, once I left that and I was like, oh, like I don't have to have heart palpitations all the time or a sourced on make or this, or feel like I'm going to throw up because I know if I don't walk on eggshells correctly, I'm going to be told well, this is how you should do it and this is how I want you to do it. And da, da, da, da. So I think my ownership in peeling back the layers was really big for me, because I was like I allowed her to talk to me like that, I allowed him to make me fifth, I allowed that. But when you're in the midst of it, you don't realize that You're just trying to make peace for your spouse or for your children or for just the whole dynamic of everybody, because it's like if she wasn't happy, someone was sad, but if someone was happy and she was mad because she wanted to be that one that was controlling everything. So I feel like the onion one was a really big one. I really liked that series and I think we still touch on a lot of the things that that one does.

David: 15:51

All the episodes always get something. In each episode gets mentioned every podcast.

Rachel: 15:56

Yeah, I think that's why it's too Because it'll trigger something You'll be like oh, remember when we talked about this and remember when we came up with number two. This is coined. I don't know if we trademark or whatever we do, but this is a David and Rachel divorce devil, podcast phrase, zombie phase.

David: 16:14

Number 93. The whole phase 90.

Rachel: 16:17

No, Zombie phase. Zombies and zombie phase are in the same episode. But I feel like when you're in a divorce and then beginning of divorce, if you're not thinking about the divorce, your brain just shuts down and you're like where's my brains? Like forgetting to eat, forgetting to sleep, forgetting to do this, forgetting to do that, and not intentionally not eating and not intentionally drinking too much. We're like oh, I know that that drink is going to make me fall asleep, Because if my brain's on I'm not sleeping.

David: 16:48

But it's going to make me forget.

Rachel: 16:50

But if I turn off my brains, my zombie phase, I'm OK and I don't have to have any feelings.

David: 16:56

I don't have to be sad. So then the zombie whole phase was just adding sex to that.

Rachel: 16:59

Zombie whole phase was like girl needs to eat. Girl got no money. Girl is living for free in someone's house. How?

David: 17:08

needs to eat. I need some vice-cratch my eats.

Rachel: 17:12

I need some wings and some fries and I haven't got the money to buy them, but that's what I'm feeling.

David: 17:17

So, yeah, I'm going to kill two birds, one stone, scrysing its, and get some wings.

Rachel: 17:21

And, hey, I'm going to drink out of it. I'll have water, please, yeah, ok, now I'm going to have one of those, one of them one of these.

David: 17:28

Oh, you're paying. Have a straw with that, please, I'll pay half.

Rachel: 17:31

Mine might bounce, but hey, I'm going to make it look like I can help pay for half of it Big ball or shot collar. Yeah, so hobby, zombie Hobby hobby. I got excited. I think I'm thinking of wings or something.

David: 17:45

That's another episode. Was it your comfort food? That's one of my favorites, by the way, comfort food.

Rachel: 17:55

Oh yeah.

David: 17:56

Oh yeah.

Rachel: 17:56

Yeah, that was a good one. There's 100 of me that I have to pick from. It was hard. I did good. I listened to a lot of episodes and just laughed.

David: 18:07

Did you just laugh your ass off?

Rachel: 18:08

I know there's especially the one with laughter.

David: 18:10

We're like why don't we make it funny?

Rachel: 18:11

We're like we talk. Oh yeah, we speak.

David: 18:14

It's a talk about shit.

Rachel: 18:16

And sometimes like some of our.

David: 18:18

Miss pronouncing words and shit.

Rachel: 18:19

Yes, especially if we had to the ones with the Dutch Bros episodes. I'm just like that is called.

David: 18:24

That's all when David has Dutch Bros.

Rachel: 18:26

Sugar addicts are us.

David: 18:30

Dave, you want Dutch Bros. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Rachel: 18:32

It's essay sugar addicts. Hi, my name is Rachel and David, and we have a problem. Especially when you would turn to oat milk, there was one. You're like what the fuck is this? Don't ever give me this again. And I was like you told me, I told me I have indigestion and then I'm like I got you the oh my shit, Shit myself. All right, don't trust the fart, it's not about a whole face.

David: 18:56

Yeah, 50%.

Rachel: 18:57

I mean it might be a shark we might just have to put like a shuffle on our podcast, like what the fuck? We don't know, like what is that? A Rolodex? Here's your Rolodex.

David: 19:08

It's kind of like a shuffle.

Rachel: 19:11

That was pretty good. I mean, your sound effects are getting better. You'd be like I'm the horse. Who are those people called that? Do the sounds for movies.

David: 19:21

Oh, that one guy from Police Academy.

Rachel: 19:25

Yeah, oh, yeah, well no, there's like when you have a movie even if you're answering the door sound effects. They do the sound effects, people, that's it.

David: 19:32

That's it. I couldn't think of that word. The effects of the sound.

Rachel: 19:35

That too.

David: 19:36

Too much coffee. Coffee has Rachel Rachel's had too much coffee.

Rachel: 19:40

Yeah, I went on a trip to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons. You know what Tetons means Movies. I mean it's movies. I don't know, I'm not Grand Tetons, seriously, I'm sorry. Youtube Tetons means movies. It means yes.

David: 19:54

It does not. Tetons means hits.

Rachel: 19:56

Seriously yeah.

David: 19:57

No.

Rachel: 19:57

Because they protrude out of the mountains. Yes, wait, wait, am I? Second getting one. Am I second guessing? Oh fine, More than one person told me that, so I don't know Where's person told you, Lance no. Lance is friend. Oh, Lance is friend. What Wait? Because they did say show me your Tetons.

David: 20:22

Oh my god.

Rachel: 20:24

No, it's because they protrude out of the mountains.

David: 20:27

Oh my god.

Rachel: 20:28

OK, so Tetons may or may not be in titties.

David: 20:30

Never trust your boyfriend and his friend.

Rachel: 20:33

Hello Jesus, Wait what the?

David: 20:38

hell, let me look at the photo. Hold on, let's go, keep going.

Rachel: 20:43

All right. So yeah, the zombie one was, I remember, early on going. Wait, it's five o'clock at night. What did I do all day? I drove to work, I worked, I drove home from work, I did all the things. It's five o'clock now. I'm like where did my day go? My brain was not in it. My enough, if I think. A lot of times I went into most situations daily was like OK, I just got to get through this next minute, get through this next hour. And again, I'm a nurse and I take care of my business and do things and I'm sure I was esteemed present. But my hole was like huh, what? Or someone's like how are you? Like, don't ask me how I am, then I have to tell you. So yeah, I think the zombie phase, hoe phase, whatever. And then survival I think you just trying to survive as a zombie going, no, the zombie hoe phase two totally different phases, but it was zombie hoe phase.

David: 21:38

Yeah, so, yeah, okay. So grand, two times grand, two times ready. Grand, two times Large teeth or a large nipple, Damn it.

Rachel: 21:47

So sweet the right. I thought it meant whole boob, not just the tit, not the nipple.

David: 21:51

At this point they're pretty much right. Okay, fine, I thought for sure that two guys were just jacking you around, Fucking you around, yeah, but they were telling the truth. Okay, ready for number one yes.

Rachel: 22:02

General, and number one episode for me is number 47, forgiveness or giving no fucks. Do you know how many times I've listened to that in the last week, just on my little walks and how Do you get something different from it every time you listen to it? Yeah.

David: 22:19

Interesting.

Rachel: 22:21

Okay, if you listen to the podcast from the beginning of the podcast, I'm an angry elf.

David: 22:28

I wanna be a dentist. Is this name Hermes?

Rachel: 22:31

or something Hermes, Hermes.

David: 22:34

I wanna be a dentist.

Rachel: 22:35

I wanna be a dentist. I wanna be the fucking whale. That's what I'm gonna be. That's my life goal Transports fucking people.

David: 22:41

You're like the pissed off.

Rachel: 22:43

Yeah, no, I'm not Silver, gold Silver or gold teeth, but no. And so in the middle I start to get less angry and then you keep bringing up that I may have forgiven someone, and then I was like shut the fuck up.

David: 22:56

Take it.

Rachel: 22:56

I don't wanna talk about it, and then by the end I'm kinda like I'm kinda forgetting people. Maybe I have, but I don't like the word forgiveness. I like the word giving no fucks and just releasing it, and I think that was a really good episode. Just to say you won't forget, like you kept saying about. I nudged you a little and was like well, you hold grudges.

David: 23:19

that's not forgiving If you hold a grudge it is, but then you're like you know you have forgiven them enough to say fuck off.

Rachel: 23:26

And again, maybe I just don't like the word forgiveness, I like the my problem when we were first going through this and when I was first trying to figure out what I was gonna say for forgiveness, was the word forgiveness my entire life. No one was really ever sorry for what they had done to me or said to me, Because you want them to take ownership, but they don't take ownership. And again and morbidly like who am I waiting for forgiveness for my mom? My mom's gone. So what does that do for me? And from that episode on I'm like you know, I can't change my mom not being here, I can't change the way she spoke to me, but I can learn where she was coming from. And now that I know her past and the things that she didn't talk about and you know we don't really have a lot of historians left because a lot of my mom's siblings and you know family are older or passed away the shit that she was just doing her best. And do I have triggers or trauma from it? Maybe, but do I want to call it that? I have learning. I have learned that as parents, there's no playbook in divorce there's no playbook. You could read all the books, you can read all the self-helps, you can see all the therapists, you can do all the things, but until you're really ready to figure out who you are, what you want, what you're gonna take from the information that you've been given, you know my mom's past, if, if I'm gonna take that information and grow from it, and a big, big one from listening to some of our podcast who is a generational curse. I think it's a generational Disservice, I mean because we don't Just someone doesn't decide that our children, their children, need to have better. We're like my generation, like you should be seen and not heard and don't ask questions. We're like with my kids. I asked them, I asked them all the time what's wrong? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And I've had some rough ghosts with someone you know, with my older son, my daughter. I've had, you know, moments where I'm like where did I fail? Should I have been more strict? Should I have done this? Should I have, you know, acted more like my boomer parents? Some of the things they did, they did because they cared, but weren't in Society at that time. It wasn't like you were like I love you, baby, I love you but that's all they knew then. So they only knew what they were taught, and so at some point You're got to be like, take the good and the bad from all of it and you know and keep it moving forgiveness can. I think forgiveness can actually heal the generations back because you know, like you're physically, biophysically, your Grandmothers part of you still as a woman. You know you carry on her through your mom. Your mom carries on for generations. Healing, heals the soul and heals your cells and all so so you can break the cycles of Sadness, trauma, abuse, neglect, whatever it is, and say you know what we're gonna learn from this and this is why we Parent this way. This is why we act like this. This is why we have these opinions and figure things out for yourself and take ownership in you. The whole world doesn't owe you anything and I think that's the biggest thing that we have to. Today, people think that someone owes them for something that, generationally, someone did or said or did you know or wronged. Do I do? I believe you know? Do I have strong opinions on things? Yes, but have I been through enough things to be like you know what they didn't know? They weren't educated? Let me educate myself, so then I can help educate my, my children, and I don't have to teach everybody. Don't have to help everybody, but if I can help one person say, hey, you know what, that's my fault. I didn't communicate with my husband that I was feeling like this, or that he was allowing her to talk like that, or he didn't say something to her to Make me feel better and my feelings had nothing to do with it. It was this is how I should be respected. I'm the mother of your children. I'm this. Yes, that's your mom and I feel like you should respect her. But at some point, if she's being traumatic and causing all this shit, someone needs to call her family is Topps.

David: 27:34

So with with forgiveness and not giving a fuck, I kind of have a new thoughts with the Bethette and they're kind of interesting. So from the standpoint of forgiveness you know Forgiveness is for you and not for them but giving a fuck fucks takes it to another level and it and it kind of brings a little bit of dastardly Deeds with it, because when I think of giving no fucks, I just one of it's. It's a little bit of forgiveness and a whole lot of fucking die. Yeah.

Rachel: 28:08

I think too one I think you even said it like to the point of no fucks is I'm protecting myself. Yep, forgiveness, is Healing yourself. Giving no fucks is protecting you at all, that healing you've done but your big thing was, you wanted them to take ownership. Yeah, and I feel like, and now I'm just like I don't care if you're sorry, like we were in Yellowstone and you know, don't pet the big fluffy puppies, they will hurt you, right? You can see how society works just by driving through Yellowstone. You have nature all around us and then you have nurture. The Rangers are there to protect the animals and the people and the people Are dumb, dumb ass right. Yeah. So the flow of traffic, you know there's a one-way each way, and then there's pull-offs on certain spots and then there's places you can't pull off because your car will fall down into a fucking volcano. There's places that you know you can see up over things. Some people climb up on little paths to get a better view. We're driving and again, I'm from Jersey, so sometimes my road rage is a little different than you know the native of. Colorado and who was also driving with me and this car in front of us. There's cars that there's. There's grizzly bears and a baby down by the river and everybody's looking at it, whatever. So we had pulled off, I got out of the Sunroof. I'm not. I'm not one of those people that I need to be close to the animals. I see them. Let them be. This is a mama with her baby. She's gonna be protective first of all. If you were by herself, still, I'd be like that is a grizzly bear, like.

David: 29:42

I'm gonna bite you.

Rachel: 29:43

So I'm on the top of my sunroof taking pictures when skits out and some woman literally charges past him like could have knocked him down the hill and he was like I mean the petting zoo? Now I'm at the zoo and I can't get out of the gorilla cage, you know, kind of thing. So we finally see enough. We pull up and this car like this traffic coming at us and we're going back to you know, our cabin that we rented and this car just stops, throws a taz or zone and people get out Right in the middle of the road just stopped right there and the people across the street going thumbs up to whoever's still in the car. That didn't get out. They're going yeah this is a great experience and again, I don't care where you from, but from California, so sometimes it feels like it's. You know, they have their own set of rules and we supposed to just follow them. And again, I'm from the other coast and we're kind of the same assholes, but I think as myself I'm a nice asshole. I'm gonna let you know. Hey, there are rules. For a reason you have now blocked anybody else from seeing anything because the traffic coming. We can't drive into that traffic because that's coming at us. So you should have pulled off. If you could and then anybody that wanted to get through still could. But now you've stopped the whole flow of everything. Now there's an emergency, your hazards are on, you're out of the car, no one can come drive your car, and so my whole brain's like why do they get to do that? And so Lance is like what does it matter? And I was like babe, I know, but why don't? they have to follow the rules when I clearly am supposed to follow all the California rules because you know that's the best thing because they don't get fucks.

David: 31:16

They don't give any fucks, well, and again.

Rachel: 31:17

Maybe I don't get fucks too, and maybe it's not. I don't want to pull out California. Maybe it is just we all think, yeah, that we are the most important.

David: 31:25

Entitled.

Rachel: 31:26

Entitled. So when they were coming back the car I rolled my window down go sorry, can't park here. And the younger girl, who's obviously like 17 she takes her time crossing everybody else, hops in the car as fast as they can oh sorry, sorry, kind of thing and she stops before she gets into the car, looks back, gives me the peace sign and Then slowly gets in the car and closes the door. So then the car pulls up and then pulls over Like you're supposed to she's down the first place, she's on the first place and so, as we're passing, I'm an asshole, so I'm like two peace signs, both meaning fuck off. So Again, let's like. What did you gain from that? Like I feel better.

David: 32:08

It feels better.

Rachel: 32:10

And so you know like oh my god here's my inner Rachel.

David: 32:14

Rachel in Yellowstone.

Rachel: 32:15

The inner Rachel was like I feel bad, like I should have yelled, but like, because they stopped five cars back, probably didn't see the bears, because they decided that they were, it was more important for them to see them than anybody else. And I think I'm one of those people. I care about everybody having a good experience. We're like I actually was in. Then it was all about me going oh, I let them know that they didn't follow the rules, but then I'm like I'm an asshole, and then I'm like this was a.

David: 32:41

This was such a good podcast until you really get to know Rachel.

Rachel: 32:45

This was a really good podcast until the selfish Rachel came out in my head. I'm like I'm a nice person.

David: 32:52

But don't piss me off at yellow yellowstone.

Rachel: 32:55

But no, this is one of those. He's like what did you get from that? I'm like I feel better and then I felt bad, because he never gets upset, he never says anything and you can see him going. I'm driving, I'm driving Like don't fucking piss them off, they are from California, you know. So, like I, I'm like, yeah, but you can't bring guns into yellowstone. So you better follow the rules. But who follows the rules if you're gonna put your hazards on in the middle of? you probably got guns on the car I got well, they're from California, so they probably don't have that. They have their spray.

David: 33:27

Rick on a Last words.

Rachel: 33:31

Last words besides Yellowstone my not top five, but one that you all should listen to, because when I was going through them, it's one that we really need to touch on, that you really will learn relationships from episode 53 our love languages how to interact with other people, because I didn't really. I knew it was a thing, but I didn't know how in depth that is and how it's like that Emergenetics thing or like you can find out, like the people that you work with, what kind of type of the third, analytical or through this If they're visual or whatever. So, love languages really help you learn like your children, like my. One of my children says I need your attention right now. One is I need words of affirmation right now, and that instant gratification is their love language that you have Nurtured through nature versus nurture. So 53 is a good one to. I think everybody should do it. Everybody should do the quiz. Everybody should figure out what you know. If you're a gift giver, if I give you a gift and you're not, you're like okay, I don't care about gifts.

David: 34:30

It's a disconnect.

Rachel: 34:31

There's a big disconnect. But if I'm a gift giver, I knew give you the most amazing gift in your responses. Oh, thank you. That hurts me, that hurts my language and it hurts my heart but if you know that your partner loves to give you gifts and that's how they show it. But you're also listening and doing other things. So again, five ish top fives From rachel and my well. Congratulations on rachel's 99, I do 100th gifts. Uh episode at divorce devil even words of wisdom or criticisms.

David: 35:03

So next time we're gonna do some homework and get, uh um, divvy out the the three pre, during and post.

Rachel: 35:14

Yeah, we're trying to get together like um.

David: 35:16

So even if we and I started to, so I'll have to.

Rachel: 35:20

I'll have to well, you kind of share my document kind of at the bottom Uh, also at the bottom of the podcast when you hit play. If you go down, david has um, put them into categories and it's not enough, though I do that too. It's a good place to start like. If you're feeling like Disconnected, you can go down. I'm like you know I need to figure out myself self-hailing, self-worth, education, you know. Divorce recovery find a divorce recovery near you. Um, reach out to David. He can probably help you with all that fun stuff. But journaling if you need any places to start journaling pinterest, google, rachel I have so many that have helped me and then looking back on journaling and all the things. So we are working on trying to get it more Conducive to where you're at so. Um, thanks for giving me a hundred episodes and letting me invade your space.

David: 36:07

David and god, I'm not gonna have a choice and be the boss. And and my last words are Grand two tons in french means big breasts, so I think those guys are right. Damn it.

Rachel: 36:21

I mean you should be happy that men are right about boobs. Yeah, I have brand t-tons. You're welcome.

David: 36:28

Yes, that's, that's great, all right everybody.

Rachel: 36:32

I will talk about my grand t-tons often and how they get in the way. Someone help David.

David: 36:40

All right, everybody, thank you for listening more episodes.

Rachel: 36:43

Thank you for listening, thank you for having me and loving us and reaching out, and you know, hey, drop us a line, let us know. You know I'm okay with christen, because I don't really care what you think about me, but I love you and I respect your ideas and thoughts and you know we love criticism, bring it. Bring it, because we care and give no fucks, yeah, all right, everybody, I miss my boys Love.

David: 37:04

Bye.